It's backward I know... but here I sit, in New York city at 12:15 in the morning in the basement of a hostel near Central Park. There is no one else around and while it is a little creepy being down here by myself; I relish the quiet after spending the afternoon and evening walking through Times Square and a large part of the city.
We got here around 4 pm after a long morning and a first class flight, courtesy of sky miles and my brother Steve and then we embarked on a journey that brought us here. As we walked and stopped for dinner and rode the subway, my thoughts were entrenched in the idea that in 4 days I will be running on these very streets, so many of them and that, this time, I do have a personal goal. I want to run the entire marathon without stopping. I haven't trained this way and I'm much better in the medium distances, but I think I can do it. I have to tell myself that I can do it.
I promised myself that whatever happened after I turned 40 that it would be about moving forward, in every way. And, this marathon marks the first time that I will embark on a race by myself, well, at least the first half. My cohort, my coach, my friend will meet me somewhere around the midway point and she will finish with me. Thank God for that because she is my pacing stone right now and I know when those moments come when I want to quit, she will be right there to help me finish.
So many people who have wished me well these past months... sometimes I think that they don't understand that this is not easy, at least not for me. And that, even with the training, despite the training, after a run that long, I'm hurting and tired and I want to kill someone. It's not euphoria at the end, it's pure relief and exhaustion. I don't run marathons for time, hell, I've only done two and both times weren't something that you'd necessarily want to remember. But this one is different; this one is about pushing it and seeing what I'm made of and, it isn't about the time, it's about being mentally prepared. So although I'm getting tired now, I document what's running (no pun intended) through my mind.
We stood at the top of the Rockefeller building tonight and looked out at every bit of New York, stretched out for miles and all I could imagine was the street below, feet pounding, people cheering and the ungodly task at hand. 5 borroughs, 26.2 miles and a whole lot of will... I am excited and scared and although I know that I will finish, it is my goal this time to finish strong. To prove to myself that my body and my mind are not the same as they were two years ago and that, with every step forward that I take on Sunday, I am a little bit closer to embracing what I love most about the journey; the effort that it takes to get me there.
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