Just do it...

In the interest of self preservation, along with a strong desire to help other people... what the fuck am I talking about here? Genetically, psychologically, emotionally, I've always been a little hormonal; that's putting it mildly, but I guess I would be the Rocky Balboa of mood swings, you know, kind of slow, sometimes better, eventually kicking ass in the situation and then, Rocky II comes out and we're back to the drawing board. A champ, then second place, then a champ again... I thought that it was simply the way that I was raised, somewhat of a cynic, somewhat of a pessimist, but either way, an emotional frump or slug if you will. Nonetheless, I've begun to understand what makes me tick and as I watch other people who struggle with the same ups and downs that I have and I still do, I'm wondering what it is that we are all searching for.

I read this article yesterday concerning internet social forums like Facebook and how the more cyber friends one has, the less "real" friendships or relationships one has. I find that very telling and, at the same time, how these forums are ruining interpersonal relationships because people are doing less face to face communicating and instead are cyber-communicating. I was thinking that as I was on Facebook last night, wondering What if? What if, instead of Iming people or leaving them messages, we all just said, fuck it and met at a bar somewhere or a play or the beach or, anything that didn't require a screen and an abbreviated language for communicating. I like people, I like to see their faces and talk to them, watching their expressions and hearing their laughter. I use Facebook as a means of communication, but I'm also realizing that, aside from the people who I rarely see, I'd much rather call the others and set up real time to see them than spend another minute typing in smiley faces and acronyms, half of which I don't even know anyway. SO, my point, I am afraid that we are all spending way too much time isolating ourselves in addition to spending too much time trying to work and earn and move in that direction that we know as success. I'm not naive, I know that everyone has to make a living and everyone wants to be able to support themselves and their families, especially during this time when jobs are scarce and things are downright frightening. But, as the days and years go by, I'm also inclined to say that there have to be those moments that make you want to smile and to move forward and to hope and that ultimately, you cannot wait for them to happen. You have to make them happen as hard as that might be to believe or to find time for or to even hope for. You have to take the time to make them happen.

It's never simple and as time goes by, things get more complicated; more obligations, less time, more pressure; the list is endless: mortages, rent, bills, children, laundry, don't even get me started on the laundry... But, I suppose, there have to be those times when it doesn't seem possible to find those moments so that when they do happen, they are real and special and they make you feel like you can do anything. I don't think love makes the world go round, I think self respect and hope and an intense desire to be better and to make the world better for others is what makes it all work. And right now maybe that's not realistic, but who wants to be realistic all the time? Hell, people watch television shows that supposedly emulate reality? There's nothing even remotely real about those people or those situations. Reality is finding a place for yourself in which you can create harmony for others; a place where your ideals and your dreams become inspiration for others to do the same. Whatever that is, whenever it is. Don't let go of the possibility of being better because I really believe that when people do that, they lose faith in all of it and then, often, they can't even get back to a place of self preservation or sadly, even of survival.

I just reread Thoreau's Walden and I was once again inspired by the notion that people can and should live "deliberately" and with purpose. Maybe we don't think that purpose comes in small packages: making cupcakes, smiling at a stranger, weeping at the loss of a stranger. But it does, every single moment is created deliberately, by you, for you, with or without your volition. And in those seconds or days or weeks or whatever it is, if you don't acknowledge that it's happening, then, again, it passes you by and maybe, eventually, if too many pass you by, you stop recognizing them altogether.

I've regained something that I lost for awhile and in doing so, it was like a revelation because now, I no longer think of things in terms of what isn't possible instead I try to imagine what is possible for me and how that can help influence others, my own children especially. There are things that I cannot do and I recognize that and I understand that is true for everyone. But I still like to think that I can or imagine that I can; if nothing else, it's fun to think that it could happen. Hey, you never know, the NBA might need me someday...

Life can really suck; I hate that expression, but it's true and sometimes, there seems to be no real reason to go on. But when that happens and if that happens to you, I would hope that you would take a second and think about one moment in your life that made you marvel at all of it. Maybe it was in your childhood or it was yesterday and maybe it was so minute that, at the time, you didn't really consider it one of those moments, but, they do happen, all the time, every day. A sunset, a great meal, a puppy, a movie that makes you laugh and cry, a kid telling you that she missed you even though she saw you yesterday, a great story, whatever it is. I guess, just don't lose the notion that it is possible. It's all possible. That's what makes being young so valuable; that perspective, now, go and get it back and do something to create one of those moments today, right now and tomorrow, when you write about it, I'll be the first one to read it and, I will also be the first one to say, I told you so...