Ironman...

Sometimes when I am in the "hot box" otherwise known as the Bikram yoga studio; as in, tonight at the 5:00 class and I am on the border of hallicinating or crying or vomiting because the room is just too damn hot, I start to think to myself, "I've had three children, I've run a marathon, I've been married for 17 years, so shut the hell up, stop whining and do this thing!" But tonight I had to leave the room twice because it was too hot and I wasn't the only one, but the thing is, I'm learning or maybe re-learing my limits and I'm accepting them, um, okay, acknowledging them? I might be just a tad bit away from acceptance just yet.

I called my cousin Shannon. I mean I facebooked her; same as calling these days and I told her that we should train to do the Ironman triathlon. I didn't give any dates or numbers or a plan even, I just decided, what the hell, why not? She sent me back a message saying that she'd love to (gotta be in the genes I'm thinking although Rosh is not related to me and she's as balls out crazy as I am), but that 2012 might be a better time because of her schedule and her two little girls. My kids are getting bigger, but she is still working full time and is a full time mom so we agreed that we'd talk it over and take some time to train and then, we'd just do it. So I'm putting it down on paper. It might not happen in 2012, but in this, the decade of my forties, I will attempt to complete an Ironman triathlon. Now I say attempt because I know that I have the fortitude and the stamina to train for one and I also know that life puts up so many unexpected roadblocks that I have to be prepared for anything. And, since there are numerous other physical challenges that I want to take on, I must consider these as well. I suppose that I should fit some parenting in there too somewhere. My point, and I do have one is that once I say I'm going to do it, then I'm going to do it. And that's all she wrote...

Well, not all. So here I sit in the dark on a Saturday night so tired that I can barely see straight, listening to the labored breathing of the four year old with whom I bunk these days because he is "fraid of duh dawk Mom" and I contemplate the mass amount of hours and the grueling training that this endeavor will involve and I smile just thinking about it because like any other goal that requires diligence and hard work; just the thought of competing makes my fingertips tingle and my eyes light up and the endorphins begin to go... I hadn't thought about it in a while because I had been so out of shape for so many years, using the "I had babies" slogan, which I would never say is an excuse because, let's face it, pregnancy changes your body. Even those superwomen who fit back into their skinny jeans upon leaving the hospital will attest to the fact that parts of their bodies will never be the same again, no matter how many squats or leg lifts they do. And because I had forgotten how good it felt to be in shape, I also forgot how those feelings spill over into other areas of your life, making you want to continue the process over and over. Rinse and repeat if you will. I don't have to be a size 2, hell, I don't think I ever was a size 2, at least not since I was a child, but that's beside the point; the point is that I missed that strenuous physical activity that I had engaged in as an athlete prior to having had my children. Sure my body and mind were younger and more capable of recovery, but now, it is remembering a lot of what it had forgotten and it wants it back with a vengeance. One of my brothers asked me the other night if I wasn't getting a little OCD with the exercise. Of course not, I just reminded him of that very idea; that feeling of feeling athletic and how I missed it. He nodded, he knew what I was talking about. Besides, I just ate a pint of Haagen Dazs and I have to counterbalance my fat and caloric intake. Run to eat not eat to run... in this case, exercise.

I'm one of those people who has to constantly look forward, to the next thing and I have to set a new goal. Whatever that goal is, small, big, personal, saving humanity, you know, the usual. I mean, I ran the New York marathon this past year. The New York marathon, yes, it's a big deal, but I'm already thinking, When can I do it again and how can I improve my time and which charity can I run for next time? For me, life is too valuable to waste and although I do waste too much on trivial, nonsensical things; working my body and mind are not two of them. It keeps me in check and reminds me that if I can control this one aspect of my life that I can then be better for my family and my job and my world. And at the very least, I'm not nearly as angry as I usually am...

I hope to live long enough to see my children finish school, get married and maybe even have children of their own. And I'd like to think that I could do all of these things from a place of good health and peace; a place where my children don't have to argue over who has to take care of mom. Jake will just stick me in a home, of that I am quite positive while Nick might let me come and live with him; the jury is still out on Ty and I'm guessing that after the kids are grown that Tim will just up and boot me out; I'm living on borrowed time as it is. Maybe if I can nail down a full time job... hmmm, nah, might interfere with my yoga time.

So, the ironman, impossible you think? Have you been listening to anything that I've said this past year? Do you not know me at all? Wait for it... 2012 is right around the corner...