Boundaries...

Someone who I just met, literally a week earlier made an off the cuff comment that, at the moment I didn't give much thought to and because I tend to take things in stride, I still didn't think through it until yesterday when he made yet ANOTHER inappropriate comment. Now, my meter for what is PC and what isn't, is pretty damn high for a mother of three and from someone who grew up relatively conservative and modest; I use the word relatively here because everyone's freak meter, even on a scale of 1-10 still varies at least a point or two or three. So, 2 inappropriate comments in the space of two days with someone who I do not know from the corner derelict, well, it is something that I am going to have to address.

I find it particularly amusing that what offends one person doesn't even register on someone else's "meter." And, I'd be lying if I didn't say that it is really fun to watch the reactions of the person who is offended when it is happening. I told Rosh yesterday that I think I might be gay, deep down in my soul, that I might actually be or have been gay at some point in the history of my existence on the time continuum and she burst out laughing, telling me, "Yeah, I know what you mean, but I just couldn't bring myself to go South" and then I busted up laughing. Yeah, I know what you mean and then we exchanged a few other comments that aren't PG-13 enough for this space; my 13 year old is going to read this for crying out loud, well, maybe not this piece, but he reads some of it. Nonetheless, I have the soul of a gay man except for the fashion and the style. I'm styled by Target, shoes by Payless... I guess I just say that because most of the gay men that I've met and of course I'm generalizing a bit here, but, I can't categorize it, I just, just am in love with them. Kind, quirky, funny, driven, hoping for something good and loving, just like me, just like every human who craves acceptance and great sex and nice things and more acceptance, maybe I just identify readily with those notions. As a mom, as an oozing blob of quasi-focused, chocolate craving, red wine drinking (at noon sometimes), potty mouthed shell of a human. By the way, just off topic; I'm watching this show on Bravo about Bethenny something or other and she's a total wingnut. She's funny and sarcastic but she acts a little like a fucking lunatic. I'm listening to her drone on about how much she has "going on" but Bethenny, who the fuck doesn't have a lot going on and we all don't have a baby nurse to help us out...and her husband seems kind and caring, but it is television; I'm sure he's a bit of a wingnut too. Whatever, I digress. Like I said, one woman's offense is another woman's humor...

I don't want to hurt people's feelings unless they deserve it and I don't want to say something just to say it; that's what mom groups are for... come on, that was kind of funny. Actually, Ty has made some wonderful friends in preschool this year and their moms are, well for lack of a better word, awesome. I have never experienced this kind of "group" before; not with the other two. These are normal, warm, funny women and I can't think of a single thing to say or bitch about when it comes to them. And it is so nice to meet some women who just want to "be" and who just want to enjoy the kids and not have to worry about what they are saying or doing... refreshing.

So where are people's boundaries and how the hell are you supposed to figure it out without being highly intuitive or without asking them? And if you don't know, then you are surely going to offend someone. At least I'm going to. I just hope it's not someone who goes home and suffers in silence about it. Because truthfully, I don't want to be held responsible for someone's demise. Setting parameters with kids or with students or with husbands doesn't seem all that difficult. I decide what irritates me and what I won't tolerate and then, I draw a line in the sand. Sometimes they cross it and then, I am forced to consider the consequences for them and for me. So what do I do... what do I do? Face it, head on. Deal with it, swiftly, punitively, with an unforgiving and relentless diligence. I'm scrunching my face right now and trying to mimic Dirty Harry as I type this... Nah, really, I just blog or tell someone or drink more than I should. Or maybe go to yoga or run or laugh about it with someone who has an exorbitantly high threshold for rude, offensive commentary along with a side helping of sarcastic anecdotes.

I am going to have to address this issue, especially if and when this person makes another comment or says something that crosses my line in the sand. And, it wasn't so much what he said, it was the context of our relationship at the time and if I can't address the simple fact that I am an authority figure in this context, then I shouldn't have the right to say anything at all. I will set the boundary, I will make it clear what I will not tolerate and I can assure myself and you and this person that there will be no room for misinterpretation or misunderstanding EVER again. At least not on my end... Where's that wine opener?