Mother fucking son of a bitch referee... well, that one in Jake's game today anyway and yes, I know, he's a volunteer; he does the best that he can, he's out there on his own dime, blah, blah, blah, screw that. He made a shitty call and although it caused a tie between the two teams, it was one of those moments when you sit back and go, "What in the hell just happened?" I have nothing against referees and actually, I'm one of the tamer people out there; my team even won the sportsmanship award a couple of seasons back. Yes, I get emotional(woman) and yes, I change my mind(woman) and I've even been known to make some bonehead coaching manuevers on the field now and then(blonde), BUT, in my very narrow defense, I always have the kids best interests at heart, just ask anyone.
The penalty kick that the fucking ref called in the last minute of the game which was not a penalty at all as the defender clearly went for the ball and the kid looked like he dove over the defender was, of course, against my kid who was the goalkeeper today. And, bias aside, it was the best game I've ever seen the kid play in goal. He was on today; it just felt like one of those games where after it's over, you look at him, rub his head and say; see, that's what it feels like to leave it all out there. Phenomenal. Anyway, back to the shitty ref... earlier, my kid got a yellow card for shooting off his mouth (pause for the apple doesn't fall far from the tree thought here), but just before that, the left forward for the other team had completley rammed into my kid, after the fact and as the ref walked over to seemingly give #14 a yellow card, he turned to MY kid and gave him a yellow INSTEAD, leaving the forward as if he did nothing. Now, this kind of bullshit does not sit well with me, so I did what any non-self respecting, needing anger management parent would do and I screamed at the ref. That's my kid, I'm not going to stand by and just watch that kind of nonsense. After which, the coach asked me to calm down and told me that my kid had dropped the f bomb which is why he was given the yellow(I know, whole bushel of apples); that gave me pause and I said something like, well, he shouldn't have said that, but that kid shouldn't have gotten away with that either. I didn't doubt that Jake had said something and I told the coach that I would talk to him after the game, which I did and where he told me very clearly that he told the ref that the call was bs. Now, as a parent, I reminded my son that the next time something happens, he needs to keep his mouth shut. You might think that hypocritical, given my behavior today, but again, in my even narrower defense, he is my kid and comments or not, foul play warrants some kind of action; maybe it isn't a mother screaming on the sideline, but sometimes the moment gets the best of me. After the game I apologized to the coach and I sent him an email reiterating that notion and the fact that I sincerely appreciate his time and effort with the team, which I do, we all do. I certainly didn't intend to make a jackass out of myself or my kid, but if a line is crossed, my temper just flares. And this was before the penalty kick...
When I was in the second grade, I saw a girl, a classmate, swipe another girl's pencil out of her pencil box. I saw it and so I told. Well, after school, the thief, Jo-el, was waiting for me and basically, she beat the crap out of me. I walked home crying that day and when I went in the front door, my parents were all concerned, but I remember my dad coming to talk to me and when I had calmed down a little bit, he took me out into the backyard and, he showed me how to defend myself. He didn't make excuses for Jo-el nor did he tell me that it wasn't okay to hit someone else. Instead, he put my hands up in front of my face and he showed me how to move and how to jab. My dad used to box and incidentally, we used to watch him do the speedbag in the garage. I never had to fight Jo-el although there are times and there have been times when I would have like to have seen her again, just so I could tell her off or basically crunch her spine in half, but I'm not one to hold a grudge or anything so... my point is, it's always been my dad and even though he has a fierce temper and I am a lot like that, he was always the one to say, do what you have to do to defend yourself and you will never get in trouble for doing that... when I was having trouble in middle school with another bitch of a human being, he flat out told me one day to go to school and to beat her up and if I didn't, if I came home without doing it, then I was going to "get it." Well, all I had to do was spread the word and she got the hint and then, after school, I walked up to her and I told her that my dad had given me license to kick her ass and that she better leave me alone from then on, and, she did... funny thing is, I get angry, but I'm not really a fighter. I defend myself, but I really don't like confrontation and most of the time, I try to avoid it. Most of the time; today notwithstanding...
I think the real point of something like this is that we all have to remember our place. When I've been the coach, it has been my job to protect the players, to keep the parents in check and to deal with the referees. Now, as a person on the sideline, it really is my job to cheer and to support and yes, to get angry or upset when someone is being treated unfairly, but it is probably best and most appropriate to keep my opinions to myself, at least for the sake of the team and for my son. It's never been about me; I don't want the spotlight, I don't want the attention, but it has been about fairness and when someone is unfair to one of my kids, all bets are off, even if said kid said something inappropriate which, in this case, was the case. Maybe it all boils down to the setting of an example, I mean, I know it does, but my dad always had a point too; you have to defend yourself and you have to do it when necessary even though it might not be appropriate.
I never worry about what people think about me, never. If people hate my guts, that's their right. I'm fine with that. But, I do worry and sometimes wonder if my behavior impacts how others see my children and how they are. For that alone, I need to learn to hold my tongue and curb my impulses in situations like today. Again, if it is about them, which it is, then that is something that I can certainly do. This reads like a confession of sorts which it is and which it isn't. I can almost always admit fault and I can assign blame faster than my dad could hit the bag, but mostly, I am comfortable in my own skin and that's how I am going to stay...
It was the third quarter of a CIF soccer game and we were playing at home. I was a sophomore and although I don't remember who we were playing, I remember that forward, the blue of their uniforms and the snarl of her mouth when she came after me. She took shots at me the whole first half of the game and the ref called nothing; elbows, pushing, she even tripped me once and I just played. I marked her the best that I could and I kept telling myself to stay calm. But, by the third quarter, I'd had enough and I told myself that if she touched me one more time that was it, she was going down. Sure enough and I can still feel her fist hit my jaw and it really was like it was happening in slow motion, she shoved into me and I grabbed the collar of her shirt and threw my fist into her jaw and, the next thing I knew, we were both on the ground throwing punches, yelling and her face looked like one of those distorted images in a funhouse mirror. It didn't last long as the coaches and the ref came to break it up. And I remember shaking as I walked back to the bench to put on my sweats. I had my back turned so I didn't see him pull the red card even though I knew that he had. I turned back to sit down on the bench and our coach came over and told me that I had to leave the field and go sit in the stands; red card, somewhat of a humiliation. I grabbed my things, he was none too happy as we had to play short for the rest of the game, and I meandered up, through the full stands, principal of the high school included, toward my parents... my mom didn't even look at me, didn't even acknowledge me which hurt, but now I understand why that was. But I also remember, clear as day, looking at my dad, sitting next to him and hearing him say, "Way to go Yvette." He might have said something else, but that's all I needed to hear, that it was okay to defend myself and anger or not, CIF game or not, sportsmanship or not, sometimes it's okay and necessary to cut loose and to do what you think you need to do at that moment. It wasn't okay for Jake to say something to the ref and I will tell him that every single day for the rest of his life, but it was okay and justified for him to be angry and outraged at the call and at the lack of fairness that was shown by that referee today. Just because someone is in a position of authority does not make them an authority figure or role model or someone whose judgment we should automatically trust or even defer to in this case. Whatever the situation, I will always tell my kids the same thing that my dad taught me and I will never be ashamed or humiliated or angry with them for defending themselves or their principles. Hell, everyone makes mistakes and most of us learn from them, maybe?
That referee can... sportsmanship Yvette, sportsmanship... great game today boys. You won it regardless of what the score was. See you on the field.
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