Another story...

Simon's mother was baking bread in the kitchen when he walked in and stood by her side,
"Mother?"
She looked down at her small son, only 6 on his last birthday,
"Yes dear?"
Simon lowered his eyes to the floor for a quick second, thinking that his mother was going to say no to his request, as she had every time he'd asked throughout the last year,
He lifted his chin back up carefully sizing up at her face, blinking his eyes twice,
"Mother, may I cross the fields to Aaron's house?"
His mother knew what he was going to ask before he'd asked it, but she waited, plunking her hands on her soft hips, sighing deeply as she considered his face. She'd never taken this long to answer before Simon thought, but that didn't mean anything. He waited as long as his patience could hold out, another thirty seconds before he said softly,
"Mother?"
She knelt down then and brushed a piece of his coal black hair aside, smiling gently into his rich blue eyes; the only one of her children to have blue eyes,
"Simon" she began, taking his hands in hers, "There is something that I need to tell you before you go." He thought that he hadn't heard her correctly, that maybe she had meant to use different words, but he saw the look in her eyes and he realized that he had indeed heard her correctly and he couldn't stop the grin that spread widely across his face.

Simon took long, deep breaths as he trod slowly through the tall grass on his way to the gate that opened onto the fields of green. His mother watched through the window, letting the tear roll down her cheek, reluctant to wipe it away. She watched him until he passed through the gate, until his small hand slipped the rod back into the lock, until he passed through the blades of green and she could no longer see him. And then, she wept...

The blue of the sky and the sounds of the tall grass whispering in the soft breeze rivaled the words that swirled through Simon's mind as he meandered along the dirt. He trailed his fingers through the still wet stalks and blades on either side of him and he ducked his head when the warm air bent the green arms toward his face. He did not know how long it would take him to traverse the fields, but because it was the first time, he tried very hard to take his time and to take it all in.

"Simon" his mother said carefully, "There is something that you need to know about the fields and why I haven't let you go before now"
Simon listened rapt with attention.
Her voice was full of concern then and he noticed how she half whispered, her eyes growing wider as she spoke and as she touched his face gently, "In the fields lives something that I have been able to protect you from; that we all have tried to protect children from" she paused, "But I also knew that there would come a day when your curiosity and courage would supercede my ability to protect you."
Here Simon looked confused, "Protect me mother?" He almost laughed at that idea. Protect him? And he didn't know what supercede meant but he felt it best not to ask just then.
"Yes dear"
"What is it that lives there mother? What is it that you don't want me to face?"
She smiled sadly he thought just then as she wrapped her arms around him, pulling him into her chest, almost too tightly and the word she mumbled into his ear wasn't one that he'd heard before and it held no meaning for him at all,
"Fear" she whispered and held him just a bit tighter.

Simon continued to push aside the reeds and blades as they grew stronger and thicker and he listened to the sounds of the fields as he heard his mother's voice in his head,
"There is a moment in every child's life when he must meet fear head on. Maybe I've waited too long" the self doubt in her voice caused her to bow her head temporarily, "But Simon, I know that you are ready and I know" she lifted her gaze to meet his, "that you will not succumb to it; you are full of courage and strength and I have faith that you will emerge from the fields not having met fear at all"
She'd wrapped him up in her arms again and kissed him quickly on the cheek before standing,
"Go on then, make haste and when you are ready to return, come home quickly." He'd made his way to the door and as he placed his small hand on the knob, he'd turned once more,
"Mother?"
"Yes Simon?"
"What is fear?"
She half smiled, "It's different for everyone son and it takes many forms. Be diligent and steadfast in your journey."
He took a deep breath and then, he went through the door.

The grass blades were rougher in the center of the field and Simon had to put up his hands to keep them from cutting his face. He moved slowly and he tried to take small steps so as not to harm the blades. A few yards through the middle and he felt a cold rush cross his ankles. He hesitated, wondering what the cold was. When he couldn't figure out where it was coming from, he forged on. He began to hum the country tune that his mother liked to sing whenever she was washing the dishes. A few more yards and he felt the cold again, only this time, it moved fiercely over his ankles and his legs and this time, it gave him pause. He held very still as he felt the air ripple across his skin. His heart began to race, a feeling that he was unused to. He thought it best to wait until the feeling passed, but strangely, it didn't. Instead, the feeling made him want to move more quickly, faster through the grass. Simon did not give into this impulse at first. He heard his mother telling him to use courage and diligence and so he continued on through the green, pushing the blades aside, letting the cold continue its journey across his body. The more he moved, the slower the racing of his heart until it began to beat normally again.

A few minutes later and the cold had passed. Simon began to hum again, starting to imagine all of the things that he and Aaron would be able to do before he had to return home. Another few steps and then another and then... he heard the whisper,
"Siimmon." He paused and looked over his left shoulder, from where he thought he heard the sound of his name. He hesitated, ears perked, waiting, but then, nothing. He furrowed his brows and kept on. Another five yards and he heard it again, louder this time, "Siimmon." This time, he felt his heart instantly begin to race, much like it did when the cold air kissed his ankles earlier. But Simon did not look over his shoulder again, he did not wait for the sound of his name before feeling the one word that echoed through his mind and then his body and down into his feet; he just did as he heard, "Run..."

His arms pumping, his fists clenched and his breath coming in short, fast gasps, he thought he heard his name again but he wasn't sure as his heart was now thumping so loudly that he thought it might burst out of his chest. He tried to swing at the tall grass as he forced his way through, wondering where Aaron's house was and how much longer it would take him to get there when an image passed through his mind. In the midst of his panic, of his deliberate attempt to get away from something, he saw his mother, standing at the kitchen sink, drying the dishes and there was Simon, three years old, sitting by her leg, playing with his toy fire truck, making siren noises while his mother laughed her throaty chuckle and even as he ran, even as he felt himself reaching for escape, it was this image that calmed him, that slowed his heartbeat, that chased away the whisper and the cold in the grass. He remembered how his mother had told him a joke, although he couldn't remember exactly what she'd said and he also remembered liking that she laughed even when he hadn't. And, as each detail came into focus, he found himself slowing down, his arms gradually coming to rest at his sides and his legs beginning to just walk once again. He closed his eyes for a few seconds as he walked and he could almost smell the cherry pie that was baking in the oven that day and how Maggie had come into the kitchen with paint on her hands and on her dress, cheerfully asking when the "Chewwy pie" would be "weady?" When Simon opened his eyes once more, something stopped his legs, held them in place, kept them from moving forward. It paralyzed him and made him want to turn around and run back home as quickly as he possibly could... but, he didn't. He looked straight ahead and sighed, realizing, in that moment what his mother had been trying to show him all along and how profound a lesson it really was.

He gazed out and saw the very pinnacle of Aaron's roof, but still he stood there, listening to the stillness, thinking about his journey, wondering if each of his siblings, each of his friends had come to the same realization that he had; he wondered if some never came to it. He sighed then and began the last leg of his journey, smiling to himself. Yes mother he thought, I love you too...


I was thinking today about hardship and pain and how when we are faced with emotions or situations that are so painful that we often feel as though we cannot see our way past them, that it might only take something as simple as a memory or a significant person with whom we share a bond or a lesson that was profound, learned by us as a child, that brings us back to ourselves. Some people never get there; it isn't possible to heal when the pain is too great. I don't know, I guess, for me, Simon embodies all that is beautiful about the balance in life; for every good, there is a bad and for many of our ailments, love is the cure. Letting someone or having someone love you back to yourself or back to a sense of wholeness. There is a lot to be said for that kind of healing. Maybe life is one big field, with tall blades of grass and a trip to our best friend's house; we just have to make the journey...