I am in the swirling mist of a job search and don't think for ONE second that it doesn't bother me that my kid found a part time job with his very first application. I could qualify that by saying, "Oh, it's a little part time job and I wouldn't want to do that anyway" but, that's not my point. In the past two weeks I have filled out 56 applications. Now, many of you already know that I am a teacher, but apparently, that is all I am qualified to do and even then, even now, when the city in which I live and in which I used to teach full time is hiring, I cannot even APPLY because I need a certification that is required that was not previously required when I was teaching full time in the district. So, in case you aren't following... I am not qualified to work at JCPenny's nor am I qualified to teach where I used to teach. Under/Over/Sideways qualified, doesn't matter. One of my only options is to fill out one of those annoying forms that pop up on my computer from an online university that will graciously allow me to earn another degree while racking up more debt. My only real option would be to collect Unemployment, but here's the thing, I WANT a full time job, I am able, I can work, I've been applying and while I will continue to teach at El Camino part time because I love it and I wish I could get a full time job there, I will work anywhere. I've applied to all different kinds of customer service jobs: the airport, hotels, telecommunications, service representatives, secretarial... Let me say, there is nothing quite as frustrating, at least not any more than in this moment, to realize that you aren't cyber qualified to fold clothes, answer phones or greet people... even with a Master's degree.
Next term, I am going to tell my students that they had better starting working backwards, forget what they love, forget their hopes and dreams and all that mattered to them as a child. Pick a career based on incremental raises, good health insurance and availability. I mean seriously, who would want to be an English teacher right? Yeah okay, remember that the next time you are filling out an application and you have to write a cover letter. Better fold your hands together and say a prayer for that educator who is currently waiting for her unemployment benefits in the mail. I remember thinking when I resigned from my full time position, one that I loved, that there would always be jobs for teachers and, in a way there are, but there are not enough to accommodate all of us who thought similarly to how I thought then. And, because I am now 44, I have become THAT teacher who the youngsters are looking at going why doesn't she move the hell over and let me have that job. I am much newer, much shinier, much more qualified than she is. Well, let me tell you something honey...
I was not a good teacher when I began. I had a Bachelor's degree, a much smaller ass, a good work ethic and an even better attitude. I was smart, willing to work hard and even more willing to learn, but, I didn't know what the hell I was doing. Traditional student teaching prepared me for the day to day, "What if's" and, I had excellent master teachers, but, and this is a big but, no pun intended, one of my mentors flat out told me not to expect any sort of mastery or consistency in my teaching until I had taught the same subject for a good 5 years in a row. She told me to really work on varying my lessons, my instructional techniques and she encouraged me to get my Master's degree right away. In those first three years, I learned so much, maybe more than I've learned in the last 17 all together. When I wasn't granted tenure after the third year and I was told that I was a "B" teacher and the school was looking for an "A" teacher, I took it hard. I'm not going to lie, it was a real blow to my ego and to my self confidence. I thought long and hard about teaching and about what had been asked of me those past three years and then I found another job. For the next 5 years, my expectations about teaching and the love that I saw from many of my own teachers over the years, came to fruition. I learned to love my job. Those 5 years gave me a sense of fulfillment and growth, in ways that are hard for me to articulate. I flourished during that time and I also had my first child.
I thought at several times during my career that I would go back to graduate school once more and pursue a Ph.d in English. I still think about it sometimes, but now it is in more of an abstract kind of way. With our oldest considering college in 2 years and two more to get through the day to day trials of school and life, I need to focus on maintaining a consistent income. Hence, the full time job search. While I know that a Ph.d will only mean something personal to me at this point, I also know that my priorities since having Jake have obviously shifted, as well they should. I'd rather send Ty to private school than go back to school myself. I'd rather do both, but that's wishful thinking. For now, I have to work with what I have and what I have is a work ethic and a quick learning curve. Now I just need a chance...
At 44, I have a limited scope of years left in which to begin a new career, but I also know that experience is equivalent to education in my field, seemingly, certainly one has to have a degree to teach. Honestly, it is a combination of the two and while I know that many schools are looking for a workhorse, I also know that there are schools out there who are looking for me. El Camino has been so good to me and I hold it and my colleagues in the highest of esteem. I hope that things will work out for me there and in the mean time, I will continue to push forward, filling out online applications and being rejected. At this point, it would be nice and gentler on my self confidence if I could just get an interview. Me and thousands of other people in this country.
I still pray for patience and I pray for a better life for all children in this country and in the world and I know, somehow that I am being tested and that I am being shown how to fight for my family, how to care for it and that I can take care of them all if I have to. I just haven't been shown the direct route to do that. I picture God somewhere whispering to me, Yvette just press Ctrl + Alt + Ineedajob.com, but not in so many words. The message is there; I just need to decipher it. I hope he's smiling as he is whispering it and not pointing at the screen laughing at my folly.
Jake just walked in, handed me his birth certificate and said, "Hey Mom, is this my birth certificate?" Holy hell... maybe I should go back to school and forget about paying for college. Maybe we'll be competing for the same job soon... let me know if you hear of anything will you?
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