Somebody asked me the other day (and this is certainly not the first time that this has happened) "Why do you want to do a triathlon?" and while many things run through and ran through my mind, it wasn't until later, again conspiring with a friend... well, not really, but we were talking about this notion and the answer is so ridiculously simple, so unbelievably obvious that it doesn't seem to require an answer and yet, here it is, "Because I can..." Now that might not be enough of an answer for the hardcore pessimists out there or for those who cannot fathom the idea that tackling something or taking on a challenge that is out of your comfort zone is done because it is that very thing that deep down you don't really "want" to do, but you feel compelled to "try" anyway. Like anything really, having a kid or buying a house or compromising on an issue. Do you really "want" to do those things? Or is there something in your nature that drives you to do it. I mean seriously, does anyone really "want" kids? I'm laughing at myself right now, but if you knew what you were getting yourself into for the next 18 odd years, you might not have agreed so readily or, suggested the idea so readily...
So you doubting Thomasas out there, here's the thing. Will is a powerful yardstick by which to test your growth; as a human being, as a woman or man, as a force of nature. There has to be something that screams out at us, "I'm here, taunting you, just try to get past me" that begs us to do that. It might be piano lessons or skydiving or Thai cooking. It might be the Kama Sutra, computer programming or planting grass in your backyard. It might be traveling to an exotic place or giving up caffeine (yikes) or Bikram yoga (took a class last night, my body is sighing in relief today). But whatever it is, it has to reach that locked up piece of your soul that is begging you to take it out for a spin. And maybe, if you don't, then you become a stagnant swamp creature who soon cannot even look into the light. Or maybe the Blob... but I digress, just a bit here.
It is almost impossible for me to understand the apathetic. And I am not judging physical stature or ability level here. I am talking about people who just exist, who don't live, who just exist. And while my judgement extends to those who have first rate opinions about everyone else wrapped up in their apathy, I'm really addressing those who choose not to do anything outside of their comfort zone and, for many people, that comfort zone is smaller than their desire to change it. And so they question others. The why becomes the question instead of why not? I run because my legs let me and I read because there are books that I haven't begun to imagine finishing and I push myself because soon, I too will be just a memory and I want to know that I gave it everything I had. And by no stretch of the imagination am I suggesting a triathlon for everyone, but what I am suggesting is a hard look at the bigger picture here. Sinking into depression or apathy only breeds more of the same and that results in nothing good for anyone. While medication or alcohol may help, therapy too, I still believe that it is a lack of desire for something and the subsequent loss of having something to look forward to that depresses people and rains on their parade so to speak. I know you ask, well, does she really look forward to all those workouts and that pain and the exhaustion that comes along with it? And, if you've understood what I've been attempting to explain here, then the answer is obvious, "YES, dammit, YES." Why else would I allow the redhead to get me to sign up for 1/2 marathons? Why would I carpool with the bedthump and said redhead at the crack of dawn up to a fucking mountain in Palm Springs and then walk up it for crying out loud??!! Why would I subject myself to the fear and even terror that I feel when I am swimming in the cold ocean not knowing what is beneath me (and yes that does terrify me). Why do I sit in the rain or get up at 5 a.m. and do whatever activity is scheduled for that morning? Yoga, biking, running? BECAUSE I CAN people, because I can and the day I can't, I may just lose my will to live. Well, unless I have grandkids by then or something else that can simultaneously cause me pain and ecstasy.
I really think and I do see this in my students every single day in class and let me tell you, taking English 100 in summer school is NO picnic by any stretch of the imagination. Those who are taking it and doing well, they have wills of iron, nerves of steel and a huge giftcard from Starbucks because at 7:30 a.m. no one is paying attention, not even me... But, ultimately, having a strong will is not enough; it becomes about testing that will, challenging it and forcing it to push back so the next time, any time that you need it, like every other muscle in your body, it is stronger and faster and more capable when you want it to be, when you need it to be.
Physical fitness is about a lot of things, we all know that. And even if you were never an athlete or you never competed in the "sports" sense, doesn't matter in the least. The thing about physical challenges like mud runs or marathons or even triathlons is that you are only competing with yourself. Unless you are an elite athlete and I'm not really speaking to them right now because their will is unlike anything I could aspire to have. I'm talking about you and I, the everyday Joe's who walk around struggling with all of it and trying to find some balance. Creating competiton with yourself is a win-win situation. There is no loser involved. You get out what you put in and at the end, you are better. I mean I like that I am fitter than I have been since my teen years and because of that, I am reaping other benefits, but the biggest one, the most important one is knowing that I can try to do anything I set my mind to; note that I didn't say I can do it. Again, I never go out to win, that's not the goal. I go out to try and when I try, giving it my all, I never fail... nor will you.
So, why do a triathlon? Maybe for the same reason you watch reality television or bake cookies or wash the car. Because it is there, waiting for me, taunting me, asking me to do it. Sometimes it's fun, sometimes it's hard, sometimes it's heartbreaking, but it's never the same thing twice. So, heed my advice, don't. Do something, do nothing, but remember "You are what you choose to be;" the Iron Giant, great movie... so, what's it going to be? Choose...
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