I've been so appreciative and grateful to the people who have taken a second to say something kind to me this past year. I hadn't realized, over the course of several years, how much I needed to get myself back. I was an athlete growing up; I was strong and healthy and for most of my life I had kept myself in shape. There was a part of me, after having Nick that just allowed myself to put those things, including my appearance and how I felt about myself physically, on the back burner. As a result of that behavior, I realize now, looking back, that is a huge part of why, in my thirties, I felt like I was becoming depressed. I started looking at other things, blaming people, situations and I eventually allowed myself to just accept that this was the way I was now and nothing was going to change that. And then, at 37, I had my third son. Tipping the scales at 218 pounds when I went to have him, I still didn't give much thought to me and my health. He was the priority, as it should have been. Again though, looking back, I now have come to understand that, although not about appearance per se, more about how I feel about myself, makes me not just a better person, friend, teacher, wife, mother, but really, a better human being.
It's been almost three years and fifty pounds which is difficult to type because in my mind, I hadn't let myself go like that. Even looking a photos, I was always someone who focused on the kind of person I was rather than what I looked like. I guess that's maybe the reason why it didn't occur to me that by allowing myself to get back to a regular routine of exercise that I was gaining back something else that I lost; my ability to challenge and push myself.
I'm not a woman who understands the meaning of the word diet. I eat pretty well and I eat things that I like, but shouldn't have, in moderation. I like to drink and I love ice cream. But on this journey, I've also been reminded of how good my body feels when I treat it well and by that I mean, by feeding it well. So even when I don't feel like eating apples or taking my vitamins or drinking my body weight in water, I do it anyway and I'm better for it. I no longer eat red meat either and I have a feeling that soon, I might even become a partial vegan. I don't know if that really exists, part time that is, but I'm leaning toward a meatless existence. And if it doesn't work out, then at least I will have tried to change the way that I see food and the way that food affects me. Other than that, dieting is never going to be the way that I manage my health or my weight. Several people have asked me what I've been doing and although I'm telling it here, now, I will sound a little like one of those exercise gurus when I simply say, you have to do what works for you. For all of my mom friends out there who want to feel a little better though, here's my plan.
I exercise every single day. I don't count minutes, I don't make plans, other than if I'm attending a class or doing something with a friend, but I work out every single day. And now, it's just as important mentally for me as physically because if I miss a day or two, I find myself dipping back into the depression pond. It's the endorphins and the challenge. I like to punish myself when I exercise, to the point where I'm straining and hurting and sweating like a madwoman. Along these lines, running and Bikram yoga are the two key activities that have taken over my life. The third, one that I have to really focus on is weight training. And for those of you who think you don't need to lift weights, lift up your arm right now and wave. If that flap of skin that used to be your tricep is flapping along with you, you need to lift weights and even if it isn't, you need to lift weights. Three times a week: Back and Biceps, Chest and Triceps and the dreaded Leg Day. Pay for a few sessions with a really good trainer (Jerry or Rachel Gamallo) and let them formulate a plan for you and then follow it! Also, if starting to run, sign yourself up for a race, a 5K, a 10K whatever, but I promise you, if you sign up, pay for it and grab a friend, you are more likely to train and then to finish it. Another good starter is to do something for charity like a mini triathlon, a bike event, a yoga retreat, a marathon... you will be reminded of how much good you can do, by just using your body.
And really, it isn't about weight loss by itself, I mean, I'm not at my goal weight and if you asked me, I don't know that I have a goal weight in mind. I mean, I just bought some new clothes and I sleep better, my skin looks better and I am literally reshaping my figure. Especially with Bikram; I feel like a stick of butter in that class and that my posture, my alignment and my skin is redefining itself. Whatever activity I do though, I like to feel completely worked at the end of it. And the amazing thing is, that now, at almost 42 (yikes), I feel as good as I did at 27, right before I got pregnant with Jake, who, incidentally, will turn 14 next month...
I guess it all comes down to having an objective, weight, shape, skin, food, whatever, but giving yourself the time and space to do it and then not kicking yourself when you don't. I was cleaning today and I was making a list of some of the little things that make me laugh and that I count as exercise too:
1. Do squats while you: brush your teeth, blowdry your hair, wash your face, stand in the shower. Yes you look weird, but your butt and your inner thighs will ROCK!
2. Sun salutations or any kind of stretches when you get out of bed in the morning will make some of those cracks and creaks a little less loud.
3. Choose 4 songs on your IPOD, any 4 that make you want to dance, play them and then dance, around the room, nonstop; that's about 12-15 minutes, depending on the length of the songs and go all out. Remember those moves that you used when you were clubbing in your twenties and your hips will remember. Your husband will too...
I like: Pink's Raise Your Glass, Bon Jovi's Living on a Prayer, Nelly's Just a Dream and Taio Cruz's Break Your Heart. Any songs will do, but these 4 just get my heart pumping.
4. Masturbate. Okay, you did read that correctly, but I have to say, whenever I'm feeling like I don't want to exercise, this activity definitely puts me in the right frame of mind and, if you're ambitious, you can get your daily dose of exercise this way OR, leading to the next one,
5. Have really good sex. Now, I have to pause here and say, is there such a thing as bad sex, I mean, there is, but, I'm feeling that if I'm having sex, it's all good so, having said that, if you want to add a little formal exercise (I'm laughing at myself right now as I type this) get on top and use your leg muscles, come on girls, you KNOW where I'm going with this... okay, that one was for fun, but hey, it's exercise too.
6. Mop the floors and clean the windows; not nearly as much fun as 4 or 5 but the house needs to get clean too.
7. Plant or weed in your garden for an hour. Don't stop, just go. Mowing the lawn counts too.
8. There are more to include, I mean, I find myself on the floor doing situps or pushups or playing with Ty, bending and twisting for all kinds of daily activities but overall my point is, you really do have to find something that you look forward to and that you love and that really, loves you back by giving you strength and flexibility and great skin and more energy and a renewed sense of yourself. Whatever that is, that's what you should be doing and if it makes you feel that good, then why wouldn't you want to do it every day?
Enlist a friend, pick a time and then, just go... Three years and I've never been the same nor will I ever look back. Now if you'll excuse me, one of the activities is calling my name... ;)
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