Coaching

Quite a few years ago, I was standing on the sideline of a soccer field watching a Boys game. At the time, they were 8 and 9 year olds, but most of them were 8. As the game went on, it became significantly clear that the coach had very little knowledge of the game and basically, he was an asshole. Obviously, that means many things, but probably the single most important "asshole" like quality of this coach was his inability to see anything beyond winning. Now, as far as I'm concerned and because this is my blog, my concerns are the only ones that matter, winning in competition is vital to the development and motivation of any promising athlete. No one sets out to lose a game or a match or a competition. No one sets out to get a "C" in a class. They may settle for the "C" or the tie or the loss, but they really tried to win. It's inherent. The desire to win is not something that needs to be nurtured or even developed. Kids who don't care or who don't want to win will most likely stop playing organized sports at some point in their early lives. For those few who continue on, they will continue to be a source of ridicule for coaches like the aforementioned "asshole" who couldn't seem to grasp the concept that not all 8 year olds shouldn't be weeping at the end of a game which was ultimately decided by one goal. He would rather throw his clipboard and turn in disgust, making noises that resembled a horse who might have been either disgruntled or who could not seem to have a bowel movement.

Interestingly enough, coaching has become more about the coach than it has about the players. This phenomena always existed, even back when I played sports, sometime in the Stone Age, but it is only recently that it has come to my attention, that many people who coach are not really coaching at all. Instead, they are vying for attention for themselves and ultimately hoping that through their belligerant and steadfast obsession with winning that everyone will then think that they are the "best" coach in the league and therefore, this person will garner even more praise and so on... Because this is the case and because I have boys who play organized sports, I am inclined to tell these particular coaches that I would rather have a blind, deaf mute coaching my children than a person who displays an emotional IQ equivalent to that of a sea slug. No disrespect to sea slugs.

I am a coach so I know therefore of what I speak or in this case of what I write. And, I am constantly amazed that in a volunteer organization that all one has to do is produce a driver's license and a clean background check. Of course, there is a "club" that consists of those parents who coach year after year and so there is an implicit understanding that if someone nods or smiles at you while you are registering your kids to play, then you must be qualified to coach. Now, there are clinics and recently there seems to be more advocacy regarding the "fairness" factor of team sports. Things like random substitutions and making sure that all players move to different positions and so forth. These rules were not instituted for fairness; they are merely a veneer behind which coaches hide in order to allow "those" kids to play when they must and to then concentrate on the 5 or 6 or however many "good" players the coach has that season. I have witnessed this firsthand, particularly in situations where a team is only given or has only drafted 1 or 2 key players. The coaches then constantly scramble to "fill the holes" so to speak. It's painful to watch. You don't believe me? Come down to any Little League game tomorrow and see for yourself.

The problem with all of this is that there are volunteers who might be qualified because they know the game or they played the sport, but they really aren't qualified because they're pricks. And these pricks spend at least 4-8hours a week with our kids. Now, if I have a problem with a coach or with a situation, I should be able to deal with it in a timely and rational manner. The pen is mightier than the sword, right? Wrong. Email, being the new means of team communication these days does not suffice for those moments when you want to scream at the person who is not only treating your kid unfairly, but others as well because he or she cannot seem to let go of their own inadequacies and realize that the game has nothing to do with them and has everything to do with the kids. And, because it's simply and email, one can just as easily hit Delete rather than Reply. Of course, one might argue that the benefit of having a fantastic coach will in turn bring out the best in the players and subsequently will lead to more wins. I am whole heartedly in favor of this argument and I will, as you know, tell you why.

I had a fantastic coach. I had several actually, but this one in particular, coached our high school soccer team. He wanted to win. There was never any room for doubt about if we weren't good enough or if we were marching into a situation that we couldn't win; he never let us think that. He trained us and shaped us into the best that we could be so that when we walked onto the field, the combination of preparation, competition and pride kept us at our best. Of course we faltered, everyone does, but in those moments, there were no tantrums or name calling or fighting. There were tears sometimes because when you work so hard at something and you fail to reach the goal, it hurts. But amidst those tears was sportsmanship, always sportsmanship. You shake your opponents hand willingly and you hold your head up and you gracefully exit the battlefield. Andy taught us that and I've carried those lessons with me throughout my life and I hope that in some small way, I display them every time I step on the field. And if I don't, or when I don't, then tell me I'm an asshole and we can move forward. Or not.

Coaching is a privilege and because it is, we should not allow ball busting, egotistical, self centered people to do it. We should expect something more, even if that means that there are less coaches and more teams. Coaching is not just volunteering. Anyone can volunteer. A coach is the person to whom you look for guidance and support during the competition of a sport or game that you love. And, the coach helps you love it even more. A coach says hello to you when you walk up at practice and they pat you on the shoulder when you make a mistake, telling you that everyone does and that you'll do better next time. A coach recognizes that Little League and AYSO and organizations that exist for everyone should then be for everyone; all the positions, all the learning, all the competition.
Coaches should be chosen more carefully and the expectations should be higher.

I realize that we cannot choose our children's teachers or their bosses or their spouses, although it might be kind of nice if we could, then again... but, we do have a right to expect that those who claim to know what they are doing, do in fact, know what they are doing! Ask yourself this, would you choose that person for your kid or do you just acknowledge that he or she is out there for one reason only - you guessed it, more playing time for their own kid.
I'm sick of the nepotism and the egotism. I'm sick of it all and you should be too.
See you at the game. I'll be the one swearing under my breath...