Friday, March 23, 2012

Thank you.

I remember when I found out I was pregnant with Nick; Jake was 2 years old then and I did wonder... I had heard many people say that they were worried how they could possibly begin to love another child when their hearts overflowed with love for their first child. And, can you love each child equally? I think that each person has to answer those questions for herself, but what I can tell you, from personal experience is that, when they put Nick on my chest and when I held him for the first time, I never again wondered. I realized that I wouldn't love them equally from the same place in my heart because when he was born, my heart grew bigger; a new piece was created just for him. And 6 years later, it grew again, only this time, for a new baby boy, Ty. I was thinking about this idea as I reread a book, in preparation for class on Tuesday and in reminiscing about last Sunday, when I ran the Los Angeles Marathon for AIDS Project. My heart keeps growing larger and with it, more friendships and experiences, more moments of pure joy and love and, more reasons to continue to try and make a real difference in people's lives.

Aura Imbarus is a teacher. She is an intellectual, beautiful, giving and, she has suffered. But out of her trials, she has emerged victorious because she controls her own destiny. She saw her way out of oppression and, despite some of the most difficult choices that a human being might have to make in the course of one lifetime, she relied on herself, on her strength and determination, on her will and desire to achieve what she wanted. And for that, for her sheer desire, I have the utmost respect for her. She makes a difference in people's lives, every day and, whether she realizes it or not, she has made a difference in mine.

Scott Boliver is a coach. He is also a husband and a father and a dedicated, selfless man. And, his health issues aside, which are difficult to overlook, when you are around Scott, you feel inspired. I feel inspired. I remember when he came to one of our Sunday runs a couple of years ago in Griffith park; his presence was dynamic. It seemed that everyone not only knew who he was, but they wanted to see him, hug him, talk to him. And now, after having been able to, even at a minimum, train around Scott, it is clearly evident why that is the case. He is a believer; he believes in the strength and in the courage and in the determination of people and he brings out the best in us; he brought it out in me. And now, he continues to fight his own personal battle, but alongside him, he carries the love and support of hundreds who want him desperately to be well, to succeed in this long battle. Despite it all, Scott shows up, he cares and he has made a real difference in my life.

Running a marathon is preparation for anything that you might want to accomplish in your life. I should qualify that; preparing, training for a marathon is preparation... running the race is a journey in and of itself - the party that you've been waiting months to see come to fruition. Maybe that is why there is a let down after it is over. It takes months to prepare and it is emotional. Meeting new friends and carrying one another through the tough miles and through the tears, and, there are always tears, one gets the feeling that a marathon might not only be the toughest preparation for life, but the most exhilarating as well. This marathon was my favorite, aside from my first, which will always hold special significance for me; this race was about experiencing everything and I felt like I did. It was fun. It was emotional. It was wonderful. Running marathons, and this one in particular, has made a real difference in my life.

I'd like to think that there are many groups of people like those who work for APLA and, of course, there are and I'm not just talking about fundraising, but I'd like to think that after the fundraising is done, that these other groups stay together, that they continue to communicate with one another, to send emails and to share photos and to sign up for more races together just because they want the experience to continue. The thing is, I don't think that there are. I've run marathons for other charities and I've enjoyed the process and the races, but APLA feels like home. The runners and the coaches, the volunteers, the site assistants and everyone who must work in the offices including the last mail person or person working behind a desk; these people are my heroes. These people have enriched my life in a way that the births of each of my sons have. Their dedication to a cause that is bigger than all of us, the love and support that they have for one another and for those who they will never meet is awe inspiring. These are people who I will carry with me for the rest of my life, people who smiled at me on some Saturday mornings, people who have asked me to run with them again, people who introduced me to their parents, their lovers, their families, who have invited me into their homes...these people have made a real difference in my life.

AIDS first appeared on the scene, in my life, when I was in high school. It was terrifying and eventually, devastating. Knowing lovely people who suffered and then who lost their battles with this disease gave me a profound desire to do... something. And, it still does. I've said it many times; there is not a person alive who does not deserve to be treated with dignity, just for the mere fact that they are human beings. Not everyone realizes this, sadly and that is why APLA has become a beacon of hope for so many people; I am convinced that is why so many people participate in programs that have evolved from this organization. There is a real sense of belonging, of hope and of peace that comes from this community. And, honestly, although I wish with all of my heart that there was no need for APLA, I am thankful that they found me or that I found them. Either way, the money that I raise helps and it is an ultimate good, but it is not enough. And so, I will always contribute to their cause; I will always carry their message to others in how I live my life. They have made me want to be better and, so, I am better. AIDS is its own marathon and the people who work for APLA are those who line the streets, holding out oranges, giving out hugs, making the journey as light as they can.

I'm a romantic; I don't deny it. I'm in love with life, with people, with new adventures. Is it possible to be an idealist and a realist? I guess if I consider myself to be a Christian and a Buddhist, then I suppose so. Either way, I hope for the best now; I didn't always think that way, but I do now. And hoping for the best has made a real difference in my life.

Life has brought me a friendship with Aura Imbarus and inspiration in a new coach, Scott Boliver. Life has also brought me membership into the APLA community, of which I will always be a part. My heart continues to grow...

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