"Run like you stole something Ms. Hawley" words immortalized on the back of the running jersey that I will wear tomorrow in the New York marathon. I asked my students at Santa Monica College if they would like to sign my jersey before I left on the journey that brought me here tonight and most all of them did sign it; most of them, in fact, wrote the silliest, funniest and really memorable things. In addition to the one aforementioned, another classic would have to be "You better finish!" Almost sounds like a threat. When I asked the student about that, he laughed and said, "I just want to see the medal." Well, show me the money New York because it's on...
As I sit here in the dark, in the room at the Royal Park Hostel where I am staying, after just having had a "tension" reliever dinner with Rosh, Coco and Emma(also insane and highly motivated New York marathon runners)I am trying to draw from my word bank, the most appropriate and creatively descriptive words and phrases to accurately demonstrate what I'm feeling right now and, basically, I can't. I don't like to use that phrase and frankly, I use it very rarely, but there is no exact combination of things that I could say that can even begin to describe what the next 24 hours will be like. So, instead of trying, let me share a couple of stories and I hope that these will convey what this experience is like and what it will be like tomorrow...
The first marathon that I ran 3 years ago was for APLA and although I ran on Sundays, the Saturday group had a fantastic running coach named Scott. We had a much smaller group on Sundays that first year, but we knew who Scott was, just from the wonderful anecdotes that were shared about him, by the other coaches. I had only seen him a few times, but I too had heard the stories and he is beloved; that is the best way to describe it. Beloved. Two weeks ago, the new season for APLA began; the training for the Los Angeles Marathon in March and, I went, I signed up and there, in front of almost 200 alumni, was Coach Scott and this time, the story that involved him, that he would tell, would change everything, including an experience for a woman who had never met Scott, who never even knew who he was...
There are many reasons why I am sitting here and most of them have to do with you. Your support and generosity have fueled the fire that makes me want to continue to run these races. I could not do this without your help and that's really the whole point. We rely on each other in these marathons and we rely on everyone who surrounds us: family, friends, spectators, even people who we've never met, people whose lives benefit from the money that is raised, people who are trying to change the world by recruiting others to join in the crusade for charitable organizations.
I sit here because I represent all of them and you...
Coach Scott sent me a message saying that he was coming to New York to cheer on his brother in law and others who would be running. Then he shared the news that he had deferred his entry as long as possible for the last couple of years, but that this year he would have to use it. But, he wasn't going to be able to run and, by the way, Did I know anyone who could use it? (Insert mischievous smile here)
Coco Comer is one of those women who you want to know because you realize, once you've spent about 2 minutes with her, that she is everything that you could ever want in a friend: she's funny, smart, a confidante, she drinks, she runs and she's as quick as a whip. And, she's here, in New York, to cheer us on, oh, but now, she's running with us. Two days before the marathon and she has become Coach Scott and there couldn't have been a better person to represent this lovely and courageous man.
Coach Scott is in his own health marathon right now; battling two kinds of cancer. It is not my place to share details or even to ask I guess, but I think that by having made this coincidental connection and then by his graciously giving Coco his bib number, he has inadvertently bound us all together. Tomorrow when she runs, she will embody, as she does, all of the wonderful qualities about Coach Scott: his strength, his poise, his grace and his determination and, most of all his courage. Events unify us, but love and friendship, sharing and respect bind us forever.
I chose Autism Speaks this year because of Nick, for Nick and for all children with Autism. Tonight, as we sat at the dinner and listened to the stories and the numbers and when we met many people from all over, I was reminded of little I really know about the world and how simply naive I've become once again. I mean, do I think I have even a remote chance of changing the world with the 3 thousand dollars I've raised when a man stood up there who had raised 121 thousand? Do I, even in my wildest dreams, think that by running a 6 or even a 5 hour marathon will matter to anyone? How can I begin to imagine that what I do out there tomorrow has a real impact on any of it? On the world? On you?
So, I sit here and reflect, type, wonder, wait to get tired enough to fall asleep, knowing that I have to wake up in a little over 5 hours, in the freezing cold, take the subway, walk 4 blocks, take a bus and then wait around for 3 hours in order to run 26.2 miles... what definition of crazy is most appropriate here?
I'm scared and excited, nervous, jittery, my head hurts, I'm tired, I shouldn't have had that martini earlier or that ice cream if we're really counting, I miss my kids, I need to take a walk and clear my head. I am feeling a lot right now, slowly building to a boiling point that will no doubt explode some time tomorrow. But here's the beauty in it all. Not for one single second do I doubt that I will cross that finish line tomorrow. It's not pride or vanity or ego in this instance; it is simply sheer will. Whatever I have to do, however I have to do it, I will finish. And knowing that is the only option gives me enough peace to let all of the rest of it go for a few hours. Knowing that reminds me that Nick and Jake and Ty and all of the other children and families who are out there struggling with Autism or with HIV or with Cancer, all of those families who will show up tomorrow to cheer us on when we need it the most are what matters. Coach Scott matters, love matters, hope matters.
I'm going to close my eyes now and I'm going to say a quick prayer that might look something like this:
Dear Lord,
Remember why we are all running tomorrow and help those who cannot help themselves. Please give us all the strength and the patience to reach our destination whether that be a finish line or a starting line. And Lord, remind us of the greatness of helping others, of spreading the joy and love that reside in all of us. And, one more thing? Thank you for bringing me here. I won't let you down. I won't let any of you down.
Good luck to all of the runners tomorrow, may your feet be as light as your hearts and may they not hurt too badly. Thank you again for all of your wishes everyone. Close your eyes about 5 pm tomorrow and send me some more of those because that's when I will need them the most.
I run because I hope, I believe, I trust, I love, I care, I am blessed... I run because I KNOW that one person starts the change that makes the world better and tomorrow, there will be about 47,000 of them vying for the chance to show the world just that. Good Luck Marathoners!
New York City, 2011
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