It's an interesting question really and some of the possible answers were posted on huge signs that were scattered along the marathon course in Orange County this past weekend. Some of them were posted, but so many were not. And, although I have written about running before, thinking about some of the responses made me feel a need to write down some of the thoughts that I had as we took on another race, another challenge, another day of punishment as it were...
Never having been a runner, I don't really understand the nature of the beast. I mean, I was a soccer player and a softball player and I was on the drill team in high school. The extent of my running was done during soccer season when the coach ran us so hard and so long that several girls vomited during numerous practices, but that is certainly not the kind of running I'm talking about here. This kind of running, distance running is unlike anything that my body and my mind have ever experienced and the root of what makes me keep coming back for more is the very same thing that keeps me wanting to make positive changes in the world; an incessant need to be and to do better.
I suppose that one might argue that the type of running that I do isn't really a "sport" per se. I mean, I am not competing to win or to "place" and it isn't my objective to time qualify for one of the more prestigious races. So, I thought about it, my friends and I have discussed it and after many runs, several races and some time to consider what this all means, I've arrived at a fairly reasonable conclusion, at least for me. The sport comes from the self-competition. I am not running against or for anyone other than myself and the goals that I've set on that particular day. There is no award, no congratulatory party or scene where I burst across the finish line tape and the photographers go wild. None of that and that's the way I like it. I am a competitive person and I do like to "win," but my goal as an athlete, growing up and especially now, is to give it all I have, to the best of MY ability and frankly, that should be enough. And with running, I'm finding that not only is it enough, it has surpassed any expectations that I have ever had of myself, both physically and mentally...
See, this last half marathon, this past Sunday was the first long run that I've done since January and I was worried that my body wasn't really prepared for it. Some people said, "Oh hell, it's only 13 miles, you've run marathons for crying out loud" but there is no semblance of truth in a statement like that because sometimes it is just as hard to run 13 as it is to run 26, sometimes harder because in the end, it is 99% mental exertion and 1% physical. If, at any point, you tell yourself that you are not going to finish, then you're not going to. Simple. But if you tell yourself that you are going to, well, look at your odds then. Unfortunately sometimes your body just cannot will itself out of an injury or an illness and often, it is impossible to finish, even if you have the willpower of a piranha in a sea of synchronized swimmers... sometimes it is just too much to do. The amazing thing and one of the reasons why I've come to love and to need these challenges, these races, is the human capacity to try again that brings us all back out there. Everyone has a story to tell and some of them would break your heart; some of them though, will change your life forever...
At the beach the other day, I was not paying attention and the four year old whipped off his swim trunks and was sprinting down the sand, a good 15 yards ahead of me before I took off after him. While people pointed and laughed, as did Ty and as did I, I watched his legs and his body fleeing my grasp and as his giggling filled the air between us, I was caught up in the freedom of running after him and for just a second, I didn't really want to catch him, I just wanted to keep running. Maybe it is that reckless abandon that drives me to find the zone when I am out there on a course like this past Sunday, listening to music, watching the world fly by, relishing in the strokes of my feet and the vibrations in my legs and body as I propel myself just a little bit closer to that finish line. Maybe it's a desire to test my mind and to squelch those negative thoughts as they happen; to really challenge myself in the moments of doubt and pain and exhaustion. Or really, maybe it's a need to feel a part of some bigger community of people out there, working toward a common finish, but coming from entirely different places. I found myself, at mile 12 during this last race, almost in tears, but this time, it was because I realized how lucky I was to be able to be out on a course, in sunny California with my friends, on a gorgeous Sunday morning, running... it doesn't get much better than that; at least that is how it felt the other day.
So, why do I run? I get that question a lot and my only answer is, the only truth that I've come to know during these past 3 years of runs is not exciting nor is it a revelation, but, it is my truth... I run because I can, because it is a part of who I am, right down to the very core of what drives me. And I will keep running until my body or my heart or my brain tell me to stop and then... well, let's face it, then I'll do something else. But for now, it's all about "One More Mile..." and that is more than enough.
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