Marriage

I've been married for 119 years in dog time. I know what you're thinking, the same thing that I am; that's too long. Then again, what is too long these days? Oh, judging by the Real Housewives of "I don't live in the real world so how can anyone possibly use me as an example of anything other than someone who whores myself out for fame and money" insert city name here, I'd say a long time is oh, a year; give or take a few months. Maybe longer if you tattoo his name on your ring finger. Right Tamara Barney? Way to go dumbass, like we blondes didn't look stupid enough already. That woman makes Sarah Palin look like John Nash. Anyway, marriage. Straight marriage, gay marriage, multiple marriage, polygamist marriage, civil marriage, tv marriage, annulled marriage, starter marriage... go ahead and add one of your own here. In the end though, we ask ourselves, Why get married? And most of us will answer, Well, why not?

If you've ever been in love and someone asks you to spend the rest of your life with him/her/it/them, you might have been inclined to say yes. There was that moment when the heavens aligned and you felt "IT" that indescribable "THING" that made you believe that the two or three or however many of you could be happy for the rest of your lives. I envy that about people. Despite everything, hardships, deaths, pain, illness, strife, poverty, people will still find moments of joy in pledging their love to another human being. And, in those moments, even the most cynical of us will bow our heads or shed a tear or clap happily, wishing them the best even while we lay down 3 to 1 odds that it won't last 2 years. Sad, but ultimately true.

Is monogamy the solution then? Is there one "other" out there for you, meant for you, forever? Or, is there a possibility that as we grow and change and evolve, that we must ask our partners to do the same and if they can't, then it's time to move on? Is it reasonable to think that people don't tire of each other and that if happiness is possible at all, then we need to ignore the cookie cutter molds of traditional "marriages" as they existed and instead, begin to create a new language that suits the ever changing landscape of modern day relationships? A new way of beginning to define how we relate as couples, as families, as lovers? And, ultimately, if there can be a new language, then what happens to the definition of marriage as a religious, legal or civil institution? Do we eradicate any and all definitive terms and therefore labels as well? Can we marry someone and not feel like a complete failure because one day we wake up and realize that they are not the same person or, maybe we aren't either? I just don't know. I wish I did then this commentary could write itself. But in consideration of those who value the institution of marriage, like myself and because I believe that everyone who wants to should have the opportunity to marry, I hope that as a society we can begin to have more empathy for those who make the commitment in good faith; who struggle each day to ride out the hills and to then enjoy the coasting down after the pinnacle of hardship passes behind them.

It would be difficult for me to say this if it weren't for one important fact, I'm in love with my husband. After 17 years of marriage and more shit than I'd care to share on one page, I am crazy for that man. Don't get me wrong; I also hate him and more than a few times a week, I want to kill him, literally or, at the very least, maim him. It's a good thing we don't have any weapons in the house. But, for the most part, I don't have to remind myself why we're good for each other. We just are.

Tim said to me once, not too long ago, "Your happiness means more to me than my own" and jokes aside, it carries me through those moments when my mind tells me that I've had enough. Of course, ask him and he'll deny it or he'll say well, when Yvette's happy, then everybody's happy; you know the axiom that makes that idea true (happy wife, happy life). Nevertheless, when I think of that, when I believe that, it really does put it in perspective.
And, if that doesn't, I look at the three little men running around the house and I remind myself that I'm in it for the long run.

The main problem with marriage is husbands and the main problem with husbands is that they are men. They can't help it, they just are. I'm sorry, that's not going to change. Some homosexuals might disagree, but, hey, there are exceptions to every rule so as I generalize, I hope that you'll bear with me. And, in the end, remember, every dog has its day, even if it has taken over a century to get to it, like mine has.